i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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