3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
