she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
