my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
