I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
