I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
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Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
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Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize