I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Also, beer. Big fan.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
