There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
