is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My feet surprised me
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
