Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
