i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
one might say we're banned from that church
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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