I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
