The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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