Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
