$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
