Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
