That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
