So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Randomize