We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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