I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
