Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
