If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
