I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
