saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
