Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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