I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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