my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
