my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
