i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
