Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
