did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
