Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
