Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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