Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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