I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
