Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Ladies don't puke and tell
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
