Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
