your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
