he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
