Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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