I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
