did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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