a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
