Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
