im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
