Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
