so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
