just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
