i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
