Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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