There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
