I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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