So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
