Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
