I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
