It's Friday. Sex?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
