i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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