I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Pants are for mortals
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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