i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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