My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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