Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
