what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
