Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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