i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
