Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize