Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
