Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
