I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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