Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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