maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
