I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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