i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
