U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
