I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
