So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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