Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
