I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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