So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
