i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
