Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
