Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
