You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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