I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
