I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my shit smells like andre
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
